*sigh*

i feel like giving up...on everything...my life...my studies...everything...but i know i can't...i've got so much to live for...siblings who need my guidance and help them come out alive of this hellhole for a home...friends who depend on me to be happy and keep them from falling into an abyss so deep that you might never come out...a future that could possibly be just waiting for me to finish my studying...and...someone...that i love deeply...

what am i supposed to do during times like this? this is the first time that i've really started to give up...i mean...i don't want to give up...but my life force is draining away...i have no more energy to keep up this happy facade of mine...i try...but one can only try while one has energy...i have the will and the determination...but the energy is just being drained out of me...i'm the one who needs help now...i'm the one who wants help...

watched one of my fave movies of all-time last night, tuck everlasting...each time i watch it, i have a different reaction...the first time, i just cried...it was really such a sad story for me...the second time, i was angry...i couldn't believe how stupid the girl was and let a chance slip away...and yesterday...it was like...i was just there to learn...i was just watching to grow...i got a beautiful quote from the movie...

"dont be afraid of death, rather, be afraid of the unlived life. you don't have to live forever. you just have to live."

the story's really beautiful...if you can't watch it (it's by disney)...then you can read the book..."tuck everlasting" by natalie babbit...it's really wonderful and i recommend it...

well...i have to go now...i can't stay here any longer...got much more to do...see ya...

>>>alexa<<<

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